How are you? A question I struggle to answer in Gaza

“How are you?” It is simply a elemental mobility I get successful regular messages from my friends – Kenyan, Nigerian, Turkish, British, Jordanian, Iranian and Moroccan. While it whitethorn look for illustration an mean mobility for friends to inquire each other, I consciousness they usage it arsenic a measurement to reassure themselves that I americium still alive.

I understand why they are doing it but each clip I spot a connection pinch this question, I find it difficult to answer.

How americium I, erstwhile I support reasoning of my location which I near successful panic connected nan 2nd time of nan genocide? How americium I, knowing that nan spot I spent years building pinch my hubby has been obliterated by an Israeli aerial strike? How americium I, remembering nan images I saw successful media reports showing conscionable a heap of rubble wherever my location utilized to stand, wherever truthful galore saccharine memories were made?

How americium I, arsenic my dreams of completing my PhD lies nether nan rubble of my home? How americium I, erstwhile I perceive my small woman crying and asking maine what happened to her toys? How americium I, erstwhile I spot my older girl suffer her dream for an acquisition conscionable erstwhile she was astir to commencement precocious school? How americium I, erstwhile I spot my sons, who utilized to spell to nan gym each day, going into despair, having mislaid their dreams of becoming sports stars?

How americium I doing, arsenic I retrieve that I person mislaid each investigation papers I ever wrote successful nan rubble of my home? How americium I doing, reasoning of each book I bought to create a beautiful room for my children? All are now gone.

How americium I doing, while I unrecorded successful a shelter that has been many times flooded by nan rainfall and invaded by insects? How americium I doing, while I perpetually interest astir my children’s wellness successful a spot wherever nan astir basal of healthcare and nan astir basal of medicines cannot beryllium found? How americium I doing, knowing my children are not eating nutritious food? How americium I doing, knowing that for a twelvemonth now we person been eating canned food, that we person forgotten nan sensation of nutrient and fish?

How americium I doing erstwhile I walk hours connected extremity hand-washing apparel and dishes? How americium I doing erstwhile I spot my children moving aft nan h2o truck? How americium I doing, worrying astir really to support things cleanable arsenic nan value of soap reaches insane levels? How americium I doing while I wonderment what my children will deterioration successful nan wintertime and really I will support them warm?

How americium I doing, while I look for a spot to complaint my telephone truthful I tin complete my work? How americium I doing, struggling to constitute connected my telephone full texts? How americium I doing, trying to find nan spot to do storytelling amid a genocide? How americium I doing, while I locomotion agelong distances successful hunt of a bully net connection, to cheque connected relatives and make judge they are OK?

How americium I, arsenic I spell done nan lists of martyrs and nan missing, fearful I whitethorn observe a sanction I know? How americium I, dealing pinch nan nonaccomplishment of truthful galore of my relatives and neighbours? How americium I, amid each this symptom and each this fearfulness of what will hap to america tomorrow? How americium I, while I stitchery nan children of nan shelter campy astir maine to show them stories, successful a hopeless effort to unfastened a model of dream for them and for myself?

How americium I? It is simply a regular mobility I cannot answer. Perhaps I request a dictionary to thief maine find an meticulous explanation of really I consciousness amid a genocide.

Outside Gaza, “How are you?” is simply a elemental mobility that does not require overmuch thought to reply because group person nan quality correct “to be”. Inside Gaza, we do not cognize wherever quality authorities person gone.

Everywhere we turn, location is nan show and smell of death. Everywhere we go, location is rubble, garbage and sewage.

I worked difficult for galore years to raise my children and springiness them a domiciled exemplary of a strong, independent female to look up to. Unfortunately, now I person mislaid my strength. Amid this genocide, I do not person nan expertise to reply moreover a elemental question: How are you?

The views expressed successful this article are nan author’s ain and do not needfully bespeak Al Jazeera’s editorial stance.